A New Day Is Dawning

Back in Ireland for a week over the summer, I was sorting though 6 months of mail. There were a few letters stating that my mortgage payment was in a rears and that I needed to contact them. It was strange, because anything related to the house had been dealt with and finalized in the spring. When I contacted them, they apologized for the inconvenience and said that they owed me money!!! In my head, I was like, “How do you owe me money?”

Several months before, we had made the decision to remain in Colorado, for Benjamin to do year two at Charis Bible College and for Brianna to finish high school a year early and do year one at Charis. It was a dream and prayer of Rachel that all three kids attend Charis…and here we were! The plan was for me to make the first months payment for Benjamin and Brianna, then Benjamin get a job (which there is more about later), and that I would pay Brianna’s first year. The boys both had that opportunity to do year one without working, and with Brianna younger because of finishing High School early, I wanted her covered. I just had no clue how that would happen!!

It turned out that things finalized with the insurance company a month into Charis, and they owed me 5,500 Euros, which exactly what was needed to completely pay off Brianna’s first year!!! And those are the miracles we have been living day after day! And the sweet part of it, was that while it was Rachel’s desire for her kids to go to Bible College (mine as well, but these things mean more when someone is no longer here in the natural), that it came through the housing insurance policy that came through her passing away. It was a gift from God sent through Rachel…and that is special that she had a part of sending them all! God is in the details!!!

Benjamin got a job working at Charis. When I heard about it, I knew it was about the experience more than the money…even though he needed that for his tuition. He works 4 days a week for around 7 hours at the Prayer Center. Andrew Womack Ministries has a 24/7 prayer line where people call to get prayer or further information about the ministry. Benjamin has been growing so much and with so many opportunities! I know this is preparing him in ways that go beyond sitting in a classroom could never!! God is so good!

Being near Caleb and Dianna has been so precious!! To do life together and have access to each other lights up my life!! I love that we are all together! Dianna recently got work at a local Christian Coffee Shop and loving it! Caleb is in process of looking at options for work that will help him gain further experience and will lead more in the longterm direction he feels to go in life. But most of all, they are working on their new life together as a couple and investing in each other…which I believe is the BEST and MOST IMPORTANT decision they could make!!! I am so proud and excited to see what God is doing in them and through them, and how He is leading them and they are responding to Him!

I know Rachel looks from heaven with such great pride!!! “To the moon and back,” are the words she said often to the kids about her love for them! That remains the same throughout all eternity!

I am doing an afterschool program. This past summer I graduated from Charis and received alumni status through an online program designed for people in ministry and connected through their ministerial program. It was an emotional moment when I received my diploma, as Rachel and I started this journey together, her finishing nearly all of year one. And it felt so good!! I did it for the two of us!!

Completion and a marker moment in the journey of restoration!!

That status has allowed me to do Healing Schooling. Initially I struggled with the idea of doing Healing School. Not because my beliefs in God’s desire that we all walk in healing and health has changed, but when you walk the long journey Rachel and I did together, it can be very raw. I nearly quit everyday for the first month, though I did get stuff out of the classes. Then in the beginning of October my life changed in a way that made the whole course worth while!!

Three hours were devoted to “Taking the Limits Off God.” We worshipped. We danced. We waved flags. We laid prostrate before God. It was awesome!!!

I had not danced in worship for years!!! I just found it difficult to enter into worship at that level, and the freedom I experienced that day was incredible!! I still notice it to this day when I worshiping. Something happened for sure!! Like a NEW LEASE ON LIFE! There was one point where people were laying hands on people and praying for others, and the bridge of the song being led had the words:

A NEW DAY IS DAWNING!!!

And in that moment the Lord spoke to my heart so clearly: “This past year, James, you have really leaned into grieving the loss of Rachel. You have sat in it with Me. It has been right and needful. But as you approach the one year mark (which was a few weeks away at that stage), A NEW DAY IS DAWNING!…and you are going to start to see the redemption of your life!!!”

I just cried and cried, and I knew that something lifted, that has continued to do so. It does not mean that I do not think about Rachel or have moments of grief and loss, but something is shifting. And this is EXACTLY what Rachel would have wanted!!! Rachel would not want me or the kids stuck in the past or present, unable to function or fulfill the rest of our days in strength. There is still a calling on my life and the kids, to take the gospel to the nations…and one day when I see her again, I will be able to say that I have finished my race as well as she did hers, and FINISH STRONG!

God has been showing me how I have a lot of years left, a lot of ministry to do, and that my best years are ahead (especially because of the experience in life that I now carry)! Up until recently, I really felt my best years were behind me, and honestly, I was just thankful for the incredible 50 years I have had! But God is say, “NO!” There is sooooo much more!!!

I am the man I am today because of my relationship with God and because of my relationship with Rachel (and so many others who have invested into me and my family over the years). For the first time, these past few months, the brain fog is lifting…and my heart is believing for good days ahead and His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

Particularly for those who have been following my journey on social media, I want you to see that Jesus is everything! That was the message of Rachel’s life always! For those who knew her, know how Jesus’ presence just dripped off of her!! He is the sustainer in the darkest places. There is no drug or addiction or worldly pursuit that can fill the voids and pain but Him! That is what I have leaned into. Not perfectly…but that is all that I know to do and that which works!! And when you live a life connected (John 15), and surrendered, He has permission and the ability to sit in the mess, transform, and in due season bring about redemption greater than we could ever think or imagine!

There will be more to share in the days to come. I am so thankful and greatful for those of you who have been near me and my family and walked this journey with us. Even from a distance…the way many of you have loved us has been amazing! And for those who have helped out financially in this season…I have been amazed at the people that come to me for ministry, whether through phone calls, through Instant Messenger, as comments on my posts, or just people who are observing and following from a distance and never make contact! I am amazed and humbled that in the darkest and most challenging season of my life, that while not intentionally “doing” ministry, God has been reaching people all over the world!

There is a depth in how I love people and minister that I have been tapping into that is new and deeper than ever before. Some may say it is because of deep loss, and while there may be some truth in that, I also know plenty of people where loss has had the opposite effect on their relationship with God and view of life. It is Jesus and walking closely with Him that is taking me deeper. Loss may have been the catalyst, but He is the One drawing and transforming! My position just needs to be that of willingness and responding and going after His love and grace.

So…no matter what you are going through, there is nothing unique and special about me that you cannot have! I have no special grace carrying me through this season. It has been messy and difficult and honest, and Jesus is there. I have had those “grace bubble” seasons in life, but this has not been one of those (though I have often felt the prayers of others and the power of those prayers at work). I have had to really dig into Him and His Word. You can do the same!! I do not know what your journey looks like or will look like, but He is good…and as you lean and press into His goodness, it will ooze into the crevices of the core of your heart and being.

There will be more updates to come as this new journey is being pieced together day by day, moment by moment. I want people to see HOPE through my life and journey! If you would like to donate to Grassroots International Ministries and this journey of sharing the life of Jesus and impacting people’s lives just where they are at, you can click the DONATE link at the top of this website!

Thanks so much. Love, grace, and peace of God to you!!!

Ireland: A Nation That Changed the Landscape of the World

I have been in several meetings and conferences since being here in the United States where speakers have referenced the uniqueness of the Christian roots in its formation, the influence globally it has had in since its inception, and prayer for the return of this nation to being a God-centered light to the nations. In the twenty-something nations I traveled, I have seen a glimpse of the God-ordained redemptive qualities amongst the people of every nation I have been. It reminds of the verses in the book of Revelation that describes the heart of God for there in heaven to be a representation of every tribe, nation, and tongue (Revelation 7:9-10).

People have assumed that I would naturally return to the United States since Rachel passed away (her being Irish and me being of American roots). As I am in this in between state here in the United States, leaning into God for His purposes and direction for the next phase of life, I have been reflecting on the love I have for a nation and people with such an incredible history and heritage…something I believe wholeheartedly God wants to redeem, opening the wells of revival once again.

Around 430 AD, a once kidnapped slave of the Irish who received miraculous guidance for his escape after praying “around a hundred prayers a day,” St. Patrick returned as a missionary to convert the barbarous Irish. By his death on March 17th, 460 AD, Patrick was credited with forming over 300 churches and baptizing over 100,000 Irish. It was said that he was humble and pious, and devoted to God and his mission. He had a deep personal relationship with God, fearless, and lived in constant danger of martyrdom. His faith and the churches he planted were not of a ceremonial religious type faith that many depict or believe, but from His own writings, were deep in their commitment to a personal relationship with God and experiential in nature.

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If to live as an apostle of revival and reform was not enough, the real legacy of the life of Patrick is not in what he saw during his own lifetime, but the effects he had on the culture and the way that it transformed a people, sparking a discipleship missionary movement that changed the landscaped of the world for hundreds of years.

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Let me take a moment to describe one of those investments St. Patrick and his companions made in their lifetime. When they came upon a valley in County Down, Ireland, which we now know as Bangor, it is said that they, “Beheld a valley flooded with a heavenly light, and with a multitude of the host of heaven they heard, as it changed forth from the voices of angels, the psalmody of the celestial choir.” Patrick called it the “Valley of Angels.” What happened in that place was nothing short of miraculous!

In 555 AD, Bangor Monstery was founded by Abbot Comgall. Patrick had prophesied his brith and the monetary sixty years earlier. What was birthed through Comgall developed over the years into one of the longest 24/7 continual worship and prayer meetings. Ever.

I have done some research with different ideas expressed to its length, but conservative figures relate that 1000 monks were organized into three rotations of continual prayer and praise, lasting around 200 years! It is also reported that through the thousands of monks that were trained through the monetary, many took the gospel into Europe, demonstrating the power of the gospel in signs and wonders, and regularly even seeing the dead raised! Patrick himself saw many miracles throughout his ministry!

In my first year as a struggling missionary in Ireland, twenty-five years ago, I read several books, and I was amazed at the significant influence this small rugged island and humble people have had on the world stage. At the time I was also reading a book on the incredible revival that has been developing over the past 100 years in China, and their mission to take the gospel along the Silk Road all the way to Jerusalem. One of the books I read about Ireland had a map of the disciples of Patrick, and I saw that from Ireland, not only did they take the gospel to Europe, but all the way to Jerusalem. Everywhere they went, they not only preached Jesus, but established discipleship centers that created food supplies and schools that educated the poor, as well as the general population. They were the western missionary launch of the similar Back to Jerusalem project we are seeing today, but over a thousand years ago!

Some of you reading this may have read or heard of the Thomas Cahill book, “How the Irish Saved Civilization.” In his book, Thomas historically documents how without Patrick’s investment in bringing the gospel and instilling literacy and learning in the Irish, Europe would not have survived the transition from classical Rome to the medieval era. They copied manuscripts and preserved Scripture when Europe was being plundered and pillaged. Probably the greatest living example is the Book of Kells. This beautiful ornate and artistic masterpiece of the Scriptures handwritten is preserved and visible on display at Trinity College, Dublin, Ireland.

No people group (ethnic group) has sent out as many missionaries per capita as the Irish have. The land of ‘saints and scholars,’ secular as much of Europe and the western world today, still has those seeds of revival within her bosom. I remember in the early 2000’s, taking four teenage girls with my wife on a mission’s trip out to the villages of Romania. The American Missionary host commented that he had received teams all summer, but there was a ruggedness, adaptability, and tenacity in this small team that he had not seen all summer.

While the Republic of Ireland, according to stats, claims around 1.5% evangelical Christian, there is a fire within the heart of the people and the growing church, that echoes the passion of the Celtic saints of old. As a nation, Ireland is extremely generous on the world front, fighting for injustice and against poverty. As many foreigners have flooded into Ireland over the past twenty-five years, I believe the well of world missions and heart to reach the nations is being stirred again! There are the complications of integration and unrest in the society with all the social changes. I believe there needs to be regulation in the process, but even in that, there is a prophetic call and stirring with all these foreigners beckoning for missionary wells to spring up again.

With the spiritual vacuum that exists, and a rise of paganism and witchcraft within society (something Ireland is also known for), there is a rise in the desire of the church, even if just within a remnant at this stage, to see the supernatural as regular occurrence within the church as in the days of Patrick and beyond with his disciples (and as in the book of Acts). And it is happening! Miracles are occurring not just in churches, but also on the streets!

As I sit in a coffee shop overlooking the majestic mountains of Colorado, I think back to home. To Ireland. What God wants to do, and the incredible heritage that God wants to renew and unleash, not just within Ireland, but to be an overflow once again to the nations. The call of God has never left the shores of the beautiful Emerald Isle. The way forward is not simple, but as history tells us, it only takes one person who has the passion and complete surrender to God as St. Patrick to transform a nation and nations, for hundreds and hundreds of years!

I want to continue to get back to the simplicity, passion, and belief of these early fire starters of the gospel. I have seen God move in ways beyond what I thought possible over the twenty-five years I have served in Ireland. There is so much more! The work will never end!

“God, awaken once again as we dig the wells of revival, to see a powerful harvest in this present day, and in our children and children’s children generations!”

If You Would Have Asked Me

If you would have asked me for an honest evaluation of my life eight years ago, or ten, I would have said that while I knew I still needed growth (as growth is always a necessary part of life), but also would have stated that I felt I was in a good place spiritually, mentally, and in relationships such as family and friendships. Life was not perfect, with some real deep challenges in that season. We were in transition. The work we had pioneered and labored in over the years we were handing over. There was pain in connection to that transition as our heart was intertwined with people and the ministry, but in it general was a good experience with positive outcomes. We were allowing others to step up and step into greater leadership, and all indicators were that we were stepping into the next thing God had for us.

Over the past eight years, I have grown as person more than I could have imagined. And from this vantage point, I see how small I was in my thinking and maturity in so many ways. My ability to love. My capacity for more. It is easy to reference our lives from a position that limits and never realize it.

I was a good husband, honoring my wife in friendship, love, and as her care giver during illness and eventual passing. In so many ways I have grown and became better at being a husband, and even now, I would be a be different man…even more understanding, compassionate, and listening. Loved my kids and sacrificially raised them, and I am learning how to do a whole lot better, to listen more, more kind when agitated, and more graceful and understanding in moments of deep longing and despair. With God, I have just scratched the surface, and after going through tremendous loss, there is a faith and direction in my relationship with Him, depths untold ahead available, more than I thought I understood by far as I am more dependent, more in need. As I open my eyes and heart more to the eternal and what is after this life, I see life in a whole new way.

I am doing several courses and reading books to help me develop in this season. Here is some of what I read yesterday:

BELIEFS are the basis for DECISIONS

BELIEFS drive DECISIONS

EXPERIENCES form BELIEFS

What am I believing about God? Myself? My future? My calling?

Part of the effects of loss and trauma is how we take a look at these kind of questions. More gentle. More caucious. More wanting genuine truth and not supposedly obvious answers. More dependence on God for the answers and less assuming I know.

This past week, two of my kids started at Bible College. One doing second year to finish and the other graduated a year early from high school to do year one. We walk a journey together. I start a course later today that will be three afternoons a week. There is a whole lot of emotions and just feeling lost that goes on when you are maneuvering the challenges of life and loss. As one writer of a book I am reading states, there is one constant in life: change. Therefore, what kind of life do you want in five years? Where do you want to be? What kind of person will you be?

These are intentional questions that require intentional actions.

I am excited to live life at a whole new level. It did not take tragedy to get me to live life to its fullest as we did our best, but I find an invitation from God…to go deeper than I have ever gone before! This all comes with an incredible awareness…I cannot get there. It has to be Divine Partnership. Divine Grace. Divine Healing. Divine Revelation.

What are the EXPEREINCES that have become the BELIEFS you have formed? How are they molding your DECISIONS…everyday…small and great! Paving the way for what your future will be? Allow God into those secret places. Allow Him to take you to His. To reveals treasures and mysteries.

TO REBUILD LIFE AND LOVE!