Adventuring Around America and Beyond (Update)

As I sat across the table sipping coffee listening to a friend’s story, I shared how grief and loss had resurfaced some of those relatable issues of a distant past to face at a deeper level. Grief leaves no stone unturned in your life, and while I never would choose this path, it has given me space and opportunity to grow in ways I have never been confronted with before.

My journey, and the experiences of being in full-time ministry twenty-six years, much of that as a church planter in Ireland, has opened a greater door of opportunity and influence. People are contacting me through social media, texts, and in conversations over these past few months in particular, looking for a listening ear and help in their own journey. Just when I felt unsure of what I might have to offer with everything that has been going on in this season, I feel a bit like a sponge. When people take the time to ask questions and spend time with me, stuff from God based upon my walk with Him and all the time Rachel and I devoted for years studying the Word and in prayer gets squeezed out. I even get surprised myself, and that is what has been happening!

In 2016, when God led Rachel and myself to hand over the churches in Portlaoise and Carlow, I was concerned about the process of starting over. I suppose we both were. But at some point, Rachel got the revelation that we would never start over. We had so much experience and that would go with us, being the foundation for what is next.

I could talk about those dreams and visions that God has been resurfacing. There IS a future, but I don’t have the details or release from God to share those things on this platform at this time, but the ministry happening now is real and impacting lives through a whole string of one-on-one type opportunities (and I did get an opportunity to preach a few times at a church in Kentucky…it was great being back in the pulpit as well using my gifts to teach and preach).

I can do this because of many of your love and support and financial giving.

This summer we have left our temporary home in Colorado to travel to Texas, Tennessee, Georgia, Kentucky, and Michigan. We have been with family, friends, supporters, and churches that we have not seen in eight years! We are at the tail end of that journey, taking a few days of needed family holiday time in northern Michigan.

In a short period of time, I will be returning to Ireland for a short trip of sorting through some legal stuff, organizing other things for those staying at our home, and a pretty tight schedule of visiting with people. I expect to have an incredible trip, mixed with facing a new level of pain.

We left Ireland two months after Rachel passed away. It will now be nine months, and it hit me a few days ago that I am going home and Rachel will not be there. It will be the first time in our family home with no Rachel or children since we built it twenty-one years ago. There will be a bit of a personal pilgrimage in connection with this trip. I know God will be with me.

Plans are underway for Autumn for Benjamin and Brianna to be Charis students. I had been excepted into a third year program, but after taking time this summer to really seek God, I plan to not do it. I believe there are other things that God is wanting to focus on during this season besides the future development of the ministry in a classroom type setting, though I am in the process of registering for a special program that will require less time and have a different focus.

I felt God tell me that I already know in my heart deep down what I am called to do next, and He has been preparing me for decades for it.

I am getting near my first book rerelease. I have been working on the first book I wrote fifteen years ago, which I have pretty much sold or gave away the majority of the initial thousand copies I got printed. The more I invest into rewriting, the more I wanted to include, but I hope to be ready to release it before the end of 2024, with my two other rereleases not far behind. I have also done a bit of work on a new book.

Most of our ministry, Rachel and I have gone to more obscure places where there were few church planters and ministers. We have loved it and been connected to the most gracious and amazing people, discipling and releasing, but because of that, when God first told me to write books I thought, “Who will ever read my books? Most people do not have a clue who I am or where I am.”

Along with that, English was a subject I hated and barely got through (so thankful to this day for spell check). But as I have been obedient, I may not have had a large audience, but my writing has had a significant impact on certain people’s lives, so with that, I feel in this season to invest again and go the next level in writing.

Maybe that is you. You have a gift or talent, or perhaps God has called you to step out in an area you know there are a lot more gifted people. God is not looking at the size of your impact, but the depths of what comes out of you as you lean into Him in dependence and relationship.

It is about what comes out of you when you are squeezed.

Since Rachel passed away, by the stories I hear and as I take a look back over the past twenty-five years, I admire her. The impact she has had, the amazing faith and bravery that she lived, and the depths of relationship with God she walked each and every day.

As the pastor of the church we have been part of the past few years said on several occasions, most people suffering more then a few days with the flu would be struggling to have faith and encouragement. Day in a day out, for years, Rachel had a trust and belief that was contangeous.

Someone asked me once in a parking lot in the heat of the battle if we had a special grace because of the way we seemed to be coping and focused on God and healing. No. We did not. It was the hard work of pressing into God, leaning into His love, sometimes studying His Word and in prayer four, five, and eight hours a day, seeking Him. Rachel had Hebrews 11 kind of faith, and while we did not see what we believed we would, her total healing here and now, she lived a life of no regrets and great rewards in heavenly terms. My hero…as well as many others.

People have asked if they could be part of supporting the work, or if they could help out Brianna and Benjamin with their Charis tuition. I am putting two links below. One for the ministry and a personal one if you want to help with tuition.

I recently heard a statistic that 80% of people who start off in full-time ministry resign within the first five years and out of the remaining 20%, 80% wish they could be doing something else. The speaker did not reference a source for this, but from what I have seen over the years, this is probably not far off.

This year Rachel and I would be twenty-six years in ministry. It has not always been easy, but the passion and desire is still there to be of impact and see nations reached. This would not be possible without your prayers and gifts. And on behalf of the family, to all of you who have reached out during this time of loss, and the many of you that are still reaching out with grace and understanding…Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! We love you guys so much!

Continue to follow our journey: https://www.instagram.com/living_with_colour/

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So Many Church Christian Leader’s Falling

Over the years of ministry and church planting, Rachel and I would attend ministerial meetings from time to time. Most of it was directed towards leadership development. Rachel use to wonder if something was wrong with her in our early days of church planting as she felt she did not have much vision. I would always try and encourage her that she did.

I personally over the years had learned some useful tools through teaching, books, and experiences that helped in developing vision, strategies to help us get to where we needed to be, budgeting, and breaking things down into manageable timetables and achievable goals. I found what worked and what was not for me. Rachel and I would talk and plan together and shared in every aspect the ministry, but looking ahead and dealing with these kind of details was more my strength than hers.

As she became more comfortable with herself, I remember once being at a conference where there was scheduled a brainstorming session. She said she would skip out. I told her she needed to be there, but she said she would pass (which was unusual). She said she did not feel she connected into that zone of ministry and also felt it was just people trying to do something in their own efforts. If it was a prayer meeting, she would be there in a heartbeat!

In that moment I learned something about Rachel, myself, and most of the church. Call it a “revelation moment.” Those principles I had learned and applied had helped in the ministry (and to be honest, they were tools but not my main focus), but I saw more clear than ever, Rachel actually had GREAT vision. She was 100% in the moment. She loved God. She loved her husband and children and invested heavily in them. She loved to disciple people. She loved sharing Jesus with people that did not know Him. She invested daily into these areas, and things were being built, line upon line and precept upon precept.

This is not to take away from the need for planning and vision, but what Rachel understood was that there was One thing that mattered more than all else, and that was God, and He worked with us in this reality called “the present.” She also saw that this thing called vision and leadership had worked its way up the “importance ladder” a lot higher than it should be. Churches and ministries could be built on “clever” more than Jesus, and centered around certain individuals too much.

These past few years we have been living in the reality that so many that have perfected vision and strategy and growth within the church have been involved in scandal after scandal. I get that we are all are capable of scandal and I do not have the weight of the responsibilities these people have carried, but I started to wonder in greater measure that day Rachel made that statement, how much of what happens in ministry is of the flesh and how much is connected to God? How surrendered are we? How much do we really know Him?

The exposure of these “hidden sins” we are seeing is not just about sin being brought to the forefront. If that is all you see, that is just the surface issue. It goes deeper than our morality. It is a reflection of how hard-hearted and independent of God we all can be when it comes to God. How many times did Jesus expose hardness of heart, not just of the religious leaders, but of His disciples? Do a search in the gospels of how many times Jesus rebuked His followers for unbelief and hardness of heart. How many of us who consider ourselves disciples are resistant to God in so many ways?

When I see so many fall for their places of influence and ministry, my first thought is usually fear. Not dread. Fear of God. If am not careful, that could become me. It could be any of us.

Years ago I read 2 Chronciles and underlined every reference to “heart” and “seeking God.” There was always a connection between the direction of the nation of Israel or Judah and their king, and the condition of their hearts. There is so much teaching on practical things we can do to stay protected and set boundaries to keep us from falling, such as accountability partners and not being alone with the opposite sex, but as these situations have proven as some of these people had all those things in place, if our hearts are not right and our main desire is not to seek God with all of it, overtime that likely could be any of us.

Rachel had her struggles like anyone else, but she had a simplicity, passion for God, and discernment that she lived that is rare…and she lived that consistently since I have known her. She didn’t care what people thought if she saw it interfered with her relationship with God. When I struggle in an area in my own life…it is not circumstances, it is my heart. And I believe that is what God is wanting to address in these days, if we will have ears to hear what the Spirit is saying to the church. It can be easy to love the ministry and God take second. That is what is coming to the surface. Misplaced love and no longer a healthy sense of the fear of God.

We can all use continual evaluation of our personal relationship with God. Most often it was in seasons of success that the kings heart of Judah and Israel grew hard. It is an example to us all, that we need always seek God and lean into Him, and keep putting Him first…it is an everyday thing!

Would You Be Willing? (Update)

A few months back, God asked me a question.  Would I be willing to be unplanted over the next years, living moment by moment, to be prepared for the season when I would be planted?  It was not my ideal plan, but when I looked at God’s faithfulness and how He has led us this far, I decided instead of striving and stressing, that I would release my desire for security (the security you get when planted...something Rachel always fought for our kids when we were in ministry), and would surrender.

In my head, I pictured myself, Benjamin, and Brianna back at home in Ireland, not necessarily attached to a particular ministry or location as we reconnected to relationships local and outside of our immediate location (as we had been locked into our immediate area as we walked through looking after Rachel), and connect to what God was doing in different places (while still based in our area), do a missions trip or two (or three), while I continued to work on social media and writing.  It would be a season of discovery. This past month God interrupted that whole train of thought…or MY interpretation of what God was asking of me.

Let me back up just a moment.  While walking through the pain and loss of Rachel passing away, I knew that as a family there were things we needed to focus on to help us move forward.  The three priorities I am about to mention are anything new in my life, but I would say that I am more razor-focused on them.  Options and opportunities in my head have shrunk even more as we become more specific about what we believe God has for us and my family.  These three things guide my journey:

1. My relationship with God.  I love that after a busy week, I can lay in bed on a Saturday morning from 8:30-11:00 am (what I did this morning) and just ponder life with God.  I can share my heart and concerns and He speaks to me of His heart and helps me process the complexities of life, often with simple solutions, or even just enough to get through the next few hours.  Some days, it can be tough and that exchange is messy, but I always know where to go.  He is my Lord and my Friend.  This is what I am investing in more than anything.

2. My kids.  From the very beginning, I have communicated with my kids (I now have a fourth through marriage to Caleb, and it has been so much fun to climb mountains and go shopping with her and all that other stuff), they are my biggest ministry.  I have always tried to maintain this balance in life, and I specifically honor them because they made some incredible sacrifices through the choices we made over the past few years to do everything we could for Rachel so she could stay at home and do this journey together. It meant we closed the doors of our home to many activities and traveling as we sought the Lord together, studied His Word, and focused on Him and our relationship with Him.  As hard as that was, my children also have an incredible relationship with God, which has not only sustained them and helped them through this journey, but has found them ministering to adults through all this at times (I am boasting about them now).  I promised them that I would make decisions that would align with what they needed to do for the next stages of their lives.  Whatever is best for them…that is what we will do!

3. The Ministry.  For three years, before Rachel and I handed over the ministry of the churches in Portlaoise and Carlow, we wrestled.  If you have followed our newsletters or lives over the years, you will know it was not an easy decision, but one God kept leading us to because we felt God wanted to expand us and the ministry in ways that we just could not do while doing what we were doing (as well, it was time for those to whom we had invested into to step into their gifts and callings and for that, we had to step out of the way).  I recently told Benjamin and Brianna, “Family first and then ministry…but calling first and then marriage.”  They may not know specifically their future and their callings at this stage, but to follow God’s call is more important than marriage.  Too many have forfeited what God has called them to do because they wanted to be married.  Once married, you need to prioritize family before ministry, but the call of God goes much deeper than day-to-day ministry.  Discipleship. Leadership development.  Church Planting.  World Missions.  This is my calling.  It has been affirmed again and again even since being here in the States.  I am not sure how it will all come together into that place of “plantedness,” but it is my filter system that helps me stay on track, particularly in this season when emotions can be all over the place, AND I AM SO THANKFUL THAT I HAVE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE (AND GOD HAS BROUGHT A FEW NEW AMAZING PEOPLE WHILE HERE IN THE STATES), TO HELP ME PROCESS AND BE ACCOUNTABLE AND TO STAY INTENTIONAL!!!

I needed to share all this…because it is the heart and backdrop behind what I write next!

Three weeks ago, Brianna and I attended Campus Days at Charis Bible College, where Benjamin is currently doing year one (Caleb graduated in May 2023 just before he got married).  We knew that it was in her heart to attend and do at least one year sometime in the future (Rachel prayed that all three of her kids would attend, so it is cool to see this desire within them).  We went as an opportunity to sit in classes and experience worship there.

On the afternoon of the second day, we sat on the balcony, and as the meeting closed for dinner, God spoke to us simultaneously, with this weightiness of His presence.  As we were dismissed, we both looked at each other and said that she should apply and put down a deposit for September 2024!  Now Brianna still has another year of high school (secondary school), but after doing a bit of research, she has enough credits, that if she did summer school, she could graduate a year early and attend Charis this coming Autumn (Fall for all the Americans reading this).

Benjamin had already shared that he had an interest in graduating (Charis is a 2 year Bible College to graduate with an optional third year) and wished he could just do year two back to back, but we all said that was probably not going to happen at this stage, and that perhaps we would all return at a future date!  Ha!  God has a sense of humor and sometimes just laughs at our plans…when "we" think we can pull things together to do His will!

I also enquired further, as I am in the beginning stages of doing an online scholarship program with Charis designed for ministers, taking into account their ministry experience as part of the class credits needed to graduate.  If I were to work hard over the summer and finish the program, I would be allowed to enter into one of the third-year programs, which are very much like a Master’s Program.  This past week I got permission to sit in on a third-year class and have finished my application, which will be reviewed, and I will be granted an interview over the next few weeks!  For me, doing a third-year course will not only allow me the opportunity to process, invest, and discover what ministry can look like as James (as opposed to James and Rachel), but also enable me to study more about how to develop a missions organization and church planting structures that will enable for expansion and more people.  It is about “preparing the net” for the ministry that Rachel and I both saw that was ahead of us!

We have been spending the last three weeks, as a family and myself with God, processing what could this look like, how to deal with things like our home and vehicle back in Ireland, and a lot of seeking God about what funding for this giant step would look like!!  I still want to work on developing the teaching aspect of this ministry, both on social media and in writing, and feeling strongly from God that I should be doing that!  Both Brianna and I have a serious load of work to accomplish (which we have already started) to get up to speed for us to be able to start college this September!  It is a HUGE undertaking, but so was coming here just a few months after Rachel passed away, and we can see the practical wisdom of continuing to do this next year, as opposed to returning to Ireland and beginning the process of discovering our steps, only to uproot again for another school year down the road.  This is truly an adventure…and I believe God was giving me the “heads up,” a few months back!

In the church (I think particularly in the American church), where the emphasis can be on how difficult and evil the world is and is heading, amid grief and loss in our own family, I have become even more focused on the fact that there is a mission that we are ALL called to and a job to complete!  Rachel has passed on to her eternal glory, and I know she is reaping the rewards of a “life well lived,” now with Jesus, while watching and cheering us on, but I am not done yet and my kids are just getting started!  I have for over three decades tried to live my life in such a way that I would hear those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” from Jesus, but now I also have it in my heart that one day, when I see Rachel again face to face, can look her in the eye and say with confidence, “I finished well.  I stewarded what we started together, and I invested in our kids to see them know God and fulfill what He has called each of them to do.”

We so appreciate all the love, support, and prayers.  Please stand with us in prayer as we work through all the details.  I have already had conversations and prayers with some of the people close to us, our board of Grassroots International Ministries, and our good friend and pastor of the church we are involved with back in Ireland.  Moving forward, there is a general sense of peace, and I believe we are laying a foundation for greater opportunities to be part of what God is doing in the world today!

I know this update has been long, but I wanted to put it in context of the depths of what God has been doing in our hearts through this journey and how God has been leading us and preparing us for greater things!

If you have it in your heart to give to Grassroots International Ministries, a USA-based 501(c)3 non-profit, or as people have inquired to give to our personal PayPal account, information is below. You can also contact us through grassrootschurchplanting@gmail.com.

Continue to follow our journey: https://www.instagram.com/living_with_colour/

Grassroots International Ministries: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=LG8DZCUD85FRE

Personal PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?business=UALRH9TAPMCSG&no_recurring=0&currency_code=EUR