Are We There Yet?

I think human nature gravitates towards wanting to think that one has arrived.  With every revelation that we get, the tendency is to think, “This is it!  This is the revelation I have needed!  This is the revelation that the world needs!  Where have I been????  Look out world, I know exactly what you need!”

Remember Peter.  Jesus revealed His transfigured gloried self to Peter, James, and John.  Peter’s response was classic.  He wanted to build a church up there.  Three to be more precise.  One for Jesus.  One for Moses (representing the law).  One for Elijah (representing the prophets).

Someone asked me why I wanted to take classes and connect with Charis Bible College since I have already been to Bible College.  It was the same question I was asked when I felt led to go to Youth With A Mission in my early twenties and do a Discipleship Training School after I had finished three years at Bible School.  Besides wanting to meet the requirements needed to be part of the YWAM global family and ministry, I felt there was something God wanted to teach me.

And you know what?????

Charis is neither the beginning nor the end of my revelatory experience either!  At this season of my life and that of my family, there is something for us here for this season.  Benjamin is the one who is enrolled.  I get to attend some classes and chapels.

Life has been a continual sorting out of details and making plans amid moments of processing and grieving for all of us.  Two weeks ago, I suddenly felt settled.  We have found a bit of routine, and with that, a whole different perspective as everything has slowed down enough to face life and allow God to help begin the process of unpacking the past year and look at our new reality.

Talking to a friend in Ireland, they said it is like you still believe in your heart the truth of God, what He is like, and what He says, but your emotions are a bit all over the place.  That is so true at times.  I understand the importance of not allowing yourself to slip into depression, but that has to be balanced with rejecting or pushing away the pain will only create problems down the road.

I just know, where we are right where we need to be right now, and God is helping us.  There have been these moments, special moments, and painful moments, both as a family and with certain individuals who just seem to have a word from God in season or an incredible longing and understanding to minister to us.  That just blows me away from the care that has come to our family through certain people.  We are sooooooo thankful.  I suppose you spend the majority of your life wanting to love deeply and care for people, and suddenly, here we are in great need, and so thankful!

At one of the chapels, one of the speakers spoke on maturity and immaturity.  I love his statement on what maturity is:  Maturity is when you recognize immaturity in your life and you are willing to face into and change.  Life is always a journey of growing into greater wholeness if we just allow God to lead us and walk us through it.

I have started writing again.  It has been so long.  A good friend recommended that I should. I am not ready yet to write through what our family has been through (which I will likely dump after I do…as he suggested I may want to), but I have touched on some things close to my heart, things God has been speaking to me, as well of some of Rachel’s heart.  She had lots to say over the past four years in particular, and while some had the privilege of hearing her heart, many others did not.

I am working on revised versions of some of what I have published before, and a new book as well.

You can still the videos that we did together during covid lockdown on YouTube at Kingdom Living Without Limits.  One of my sons says it helps him to still watch and listen to her speak. He says Rachel is still helping him and speaking to him as he watches.

I had uploaded sermons I preached over the past year.  I believe the day will come when I will open the channel again to more regular content.  I am just not there yet.  Most often when people ask me how we are all doing, my only response is, “One day at a time.”

Amid the processing and pain, it is wonderful for the family to be all together.  We are also building new memories, and having laughs.  Meeting new people and in the early stages of new friendships.  The cycles of loss and new beginnings are part of life here on this earth.  Numerous times throughout the day as we have new experiences, we acknowledge that Rachel would love to be here or do this, or just remember something from our past that was similar.  Sometimes those moments are accompanied by a tear and in other moments, with a smile…something we know that she has on her face right now and all the time!

You can follow along our journey more at: https://www.instagram.com/living_with_colour/