Lessons Learned Through Loss

We all have experiences in this life where we are faced with CHOICE. We can become BITTER or we can become BETTER. Going through deep loss, no question looms at our disposal more than this:

What will I do with the life I have been given in-spite of the loss that I have experienced?

Loss is not limited to a close family member or friend passing away as Jenny and I have experienced. Loss comes in many different forms and sizes. Here are some of the "opportunities" for both reflection and intentionality in moving forward that have been part of the journey:

1. Do not take for granted what you have. We can get stuck on what we no longer have, or be thankful and celebrate what we do have. That does not mean that grief is not real, or that it is a quick process. Even in heavy grieving, you can take the time to appreciate what you do have and live in a way that honors those people and things still here.

2. Live more in the moment. Not only can those who have experienced great loss appreciate people and things more deeply, but they can also appreciate the time at hand with more diligence. In loss, you understand that this life is temporal and how quickly important things can be taken away from you. As people, we tend to get stuck in the past or lost in future dreams, but God is 100% meeting with us here in the present. In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus exhorts us not to worry about tomorrow as today has enough to deal with, and in Hebrews 3 & 4, we are encouraged on several occasions that "today" is the day of salvation. Loss can bring us deeper into the moment. Why wait for tomorrow to “suck the marrow” of life?

3. Greater dependence on God. Jenny and I have lived in a manner that we have needed God and depended on Him. Experiencing the loss of a spouse just ramped that to a new level never experienced before! Just getting out of bed on some days took an "act of God." Grace is freely given, but how often do we not exercise our faith to RECEIVE and REST in it? Even more than dependency, God desires for us to be interdependent. That is the John 15 LIfestyle you will hear us discuss often of us in Him and He is us! Choose to allow loss as an opportunity for greater intimacy with Him.

“A woman came to Him having an alabaster flask of very costly fragrant oil, and she poured it on His head as He sat at the table.” -Matthew 26:7

Back in those days, lowly Jews did not have an account at the local bank. Some scholars have suggested that this was possibly this woman’s dowry, invested in precious oil, to be given when she would marry. Others have speculated the value to be an entire year of wages. No matter these facts, this woman poured out her substanamce, her resources, and her future on Jesus.

“But when His disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, ‘Why this waste?’” -Matthew 26:8

These were supposedly the nearest to Jesus. They walked, slept, and sweated with Jesus. But in their piety, they obsessed with the mission and lost sight in this moment of the Person.

When Jesus came to the home of Lazarus, Martha, and Mary, Martha grew indignant as she served Jesus and the guests while Mary chose to sit at His feet and listen, absorbing His presence and hanging on every word He spoke. Jesus responded to Martha’s complaint and plea for Mary to help in Luke 10:41-42:

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

There will always be distractions in this life. Loss can be a distraction where we become self-absorbed and depressed. Success can be a distraction when self-reliance becomes the substitute for dependency and busyness highjacks our schedule. The mundane can create distraction when we allow thankfulness and contentment to be replaced with restlessness and anxiety.

Redemption in hindsight looks like surrender. Before Jenny and I ever met, there were many hours and days, weeks, months, and even years, as we poured out our hearts as oil on Jesus and in tears in the secret place. If there are any keys to releasing the “and suddenly moments,” this has to be one. Pouring out our hearts and lives before Him in love and surrender in response to His amazing love and grace.

Jenny and I are far from perfect in our approach to God and life, but this is one thing we have tried to live well. And when we get off track, we have allowed God to woe us back and bring correction when necessary. He is what matters. He is the MOST. Our all in all.

That is the invitation.

What will you do with what you have? Not with what you will have or what you feel you lack. Jesus isn't asking for what we do not have. Like the little boy’s lunch Jesus fed the multitudes with. Jesus is looking at you. To your heart. He wants your all and all to come into union and allignment with His all in all.

Let this be said of us: “One thing is needed, and <fill in the gap with your name> has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her <or him>.”