Are We There Yet?

I think human nature gravitates towards wanting to think that one has arrived.  With every revelation that we get, the tendency is to think, “This is it!  This is the revelation I have needed!  This is the revelation that the world needs!  Where have I been????  Look out world, I know exactly what you need!”

Remember Peter.  Jesus revealed His transfigured gloried self to Peter, James, and John.  Peter’s response was classic.  He wanted to build a church up there.  Three to be more precise.  One for Jesus.  One for Moses (representing the law).  One for Elijah (representing the prophets).

Someone asked me why I wanted to take classes and connect with Charis Bible College since I have already been to Bible College.  It was the same question I was asked when I felt led to go to Youth With A Mission in my early twenties and do a Discipleship Training School after I had finished three years at Bible School.  Besides wanting to meet the requirements needed to be part of the YWAM global family and ministry, I felt there was something God wanted to teach me.

And you know what?????

Charis is neither the beginning nor the end of my revelatory experience either!  At this season of my life and that of my family, there is something for us here for this season.  Benjamin is the one who is enrolled.  I get to attend some classes and chapels.

Life has been a continual sorting out of details and making plans amid moments of processing and grieving for all of us.  Two weeks ago, I suddenly felt settled.  We have found a bit of routine, and with that, a whole different perspective as everything has slowed down enough to face life and allow God to help begin the process of unpacking the past year and look at our new reality.

Talking to a friend in Ireland, they said it is like you still believe in your heart the truth of God, what He is like, and what He says, but your emotions are a bit all over the place.  That is so true at times.  I understand the importance of not allowing yourself to slip into depression, but that has to be balanced with rejecting or pushing away the pain will only create problems down the road.

I just know, where we are right where we need to be right now, and God is helping us.  There have been these moments, special moments, and painful moments, both as a family and with certain individuals who just seem to have a word from God in season or an incredible longing and understanding to minister to us.  That just blows me away from the care that has come to our family through certain people.  We are sooooooo thankful.  I suppose you spend the majority of your life wanting to love deeply and care for people, and suddenly, here we are in great need, and so thankful!

At one of the chapels, one of the speakers spoke on maturity and immaturity.  I love his statement on what maturity is:  Maturity is when you recognize immaturity in your life and you are willing to face into and change.  Life is always a journey of growing into greater wholeness if we just allow God to lead us and walk us through it.

I have started writing again.  It has been so long.  A good friend recommended that I should. I am not ready yet to write through what our family has been through (which I will likely dump after I do…as he suggested I may want to), but I have touched on some things close to my heart, things God has been speaking to me, as well of some of Rachel’s heart.  She had lots to say over the past four years in particular, and while some had the privilege of hearing her heart, many others did not.

I am working on revised versions of some of what I have published before, and a new book as well.

You can still the videos that we did together during covid lockdown on YouTube at Kingdom Living Without Limits.  One of my sons says it helps him to still watch and listen to her speak. He says Rachel is still helping him and speaking to him as he watches.

I had uploaded sermons I preached over the past year.  I believe the day will come when I will open the channel again to more regular content.  I am just not there yet.  Most often when people ask me how we are all doing, my only response is, “One day at a time.”

Amid the processing and pain, it is wonderful for the family to be all together.  We are also building new memories, and having laughs.  Meeting new people and in the early stages of new friendships.  The cycles of loss and new beginnings are part of life here on this earth.  Numerous times throughout the day as we have new experiences, we acknowledge that Rachel would love to be here or do this, or just remember something from our past that was similar.  Sometimes those moments are accompanied by a tear and in other moments, with a smile…something we know that she has on her face right now and all the time!

You can follow along our journey more at: https://www.instagram.com/living_with_colour/

The Lost Art of Pilgrimage

“Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage, as they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools.  They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.” -Psalms 84:5-7

Our family has recently suffered a great tragedy.  The kind that changes you for the rest of your life.  And I am proud of my children because they have agreed with me that the truth of who God is and what He says is not negotiable.

BUT…

Something radically shifts on the inside of you when you go through a major event or crisis.  Things that once came easy or that you believed easily, now take more work.  More digging.  More dependence on God just to make it through the day.

Scholars have said that it is possible that the Valley of Baca may not have been a literal place.  It can also be defined as “the valley of weeping.”  Warren Wiersbe describes this valley as “any difficult and painful place in life, where everything seems hopeless and you feel helpless, like ‘the pit of despair.’”

I have gone through deep challenges in life before and found that they had little influence on my emotions and soul realm.  At other times, it is like my entire being is completely exposed and vulnerable before God.  Right now, I am somewhere in between.  And that is o.k.

One area I see where I have grown over the years as a person because of my relationship with God is that I do not care about what people think about where I am at, how I should respond to my situation, or what my journey should look like in their opinion.  I am thankful for the wonderful people in my life that God has brought that do have permission to be part of my decision-making process, but all those other voices and opinions, I just do not care.

What I do care about is what the Father has to say.  What His Word speaks that brings guidance and life.  What comfort His precious Holy Spirit wants to bring to me and my family.  What greater revelation of Jesus is there for me and my family that will plunge us into greater intimacy and greater days ahead.

That brings me to the verse five of the passage above.  Pilgrimage.  What is it?  I looked it up and came across this definition:

A pilgrimage is a journey, often into an unknown or foreign place, where a person goes in search of new or expanded meaning about their self, others, nature, or a higher good through the experience. It can lead to a personal transformation, after which the pilgrim returns to their daily life.

It is not something you hear much about anymore, particularly in the sphere of Christianity that I most associate with.  I come from a Catholic background in my younger years, where there would be remnants of pilgrimage, but even there as in most of the segments of society, something once considered sacred and meaningful has been lost.

And maybe that is partly to blame for why the world is the way it is. The art of journey and story and meditation (which is more a Biblical concept than a new age one) have been lost.  The idea of setting one’s heart on a pilgrimage to become more intimate with God, to search for Him, and to discover meaning only found in Him, has become a lost art.

It is frowned upon because the world, including and sometimes even more relevant in the religious world, emphasizes “doing” and “working” and awards busyness.  These are important elements within the fabric of a healthy society and productive lifestyle but should be broken up with seasons of downtime accompanied by deep seeking.  I am not referring to the everyday seeking that should be the normal bringing of our relationship with God into our everyday lives.  This is about taking seasons when needed in life when nothing else makes sense or seems to be working as it did before, set your heart on pilgrimage.

I have done this in life before.  In 2013, we took a two-month sabbatical.  I was coming near forty and felt there was another direction life was meant to take.  For years it hovered there, and eventually, I knew I had to take some intentional time away to connect with God and family and myself to get the answers I needed.  It turned out to be life-changing for me and the entire family.  Not in some emotional hyped-up adrenal kick looking to do more or have better vision, but it serve as a platform to see the bigger picture of what God was doing and speaking to me and our family.  Big changes would occur in our ministry three years later.

When Rachel took sick, we tried to continue on, but after a few years, we decided to consolidate our family and focus.  I ministered part-time, as did Rachel with me in the ways that she was able, and we focused on studying the Word of God, in prayer, and being a family unit.  We focused on healing and restoration.  Our social connection narrowed a lot during that season.  We were in pursuit, and just as a professional athlete sacrifices many of the personal pleasures and relationships most others consider normal, we made radical changes.  We wanted more of God flowing through us.

I cannot even begin to express in words the soooooo much that God has done in our lives through the seeking.  Going after God with all your heart is not something you will ever regret.  Your flesh does not appreciate it, but your soul becomes alive as you allow your spirit to connect at a deeper level than you have before.

So here we stand.  In the valley of tears.  A painful place.  On pilgrimage.  Holding God to His promise that He will provide streams in the desert (Isaiah 43:19); oil of joy for the spirit of heaviness (Isaiah 61:3); and comfort those who mourn (Matthew 5:4).

If you are in that same place and nothing seems to make sense, I would encourage you to set your heart on pilgrimage.  If possible, take time out of your normal busy life and take a journey where you get away from the norm and find solitude and rest in new surroundings.  Most important…do not feel guilty.

It is amazing the times in Scripture that Jesus’ disciples, the crowds, or His earthly family searched for Him while He was lost in seeking to be with His heavenly Father.  He made no excuses and it marked His time on this earth and His ministry.  If He made no excuses for setting aside time for pilgrimage, then should we not similarly live our own lives?

Your Sea is so BIG and My Boat is so Small

“O you afflicted one, Tossed with tempest, and not comforted, Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, And lay your foundations with sapphire.”

-Isaiah 54:11-

Rachel and I would often discuss relationships and future relationships with our kids.  We never expected, when it would come to dating and marriage, that their story would necessarily mirror ours, but there were principles that stood out to us important for their lives as well.

To have a surrendered to God.  Be patient.  Get input and accountability.  And REMEMBER, that special someone will never fulfill or complete you.  Come to a relationship as a WHOLE person as opposed to a needy individual looking for someone to make you happy.  Marriage is two whole people coming together and God making them one, not to half people coming together to make a whole.

That is a real truth.  Rachel and I learned to surrender our desires for marriage.  That was not always easy, and sometimes felt lonely and excluded, especially when friends were in relationships and getting married.  But we just kept bringing our hearts to God.

Both of us, even before meeting, asked God that we could marry our best friend, and that is what God did!

We met while traveling on a Youth With A Mission ministry team across the United States and taking teens on mission into Mexico.  We became very close, sharing deep secrets of our hearts, without any idea that there was anything more for us than just friendship.  AND SUDDENLY, just before Christmas in Chicago on outreach in 1998, God opened our eyes to “the something more” He had for us!  With that, we fell deeply in love, and that deep love, affection, and most of all, friendship, carried us through our wonderful twenty-four years of marriage!

We returned to Rachel’s home land of Ireland, were married, and launched our ministry there.  There we planted two churches, as well as serving in other ministry roles.  Together we homeschooled our kids.  We built our home with our own two hands.  There were plenty of hardships and challenges along the way, and we had our share of disagreements. As Rachel would often say after an argument, “Just an opportunity to make up!”

When Rachel passed away on 28th of October, everything changed.  The mystery of oneness in marriage in God, meant that in a moment, I now felt half a person.  The children have felt it.  We came together as two whole persons over two decades ago to become one, and now…like an amputated limp.

Life swirls in a sea of confusion at moments.  A small boat lost in the vast ocean.  Years ago, my assistant when I was church planting in Portlaoise, Ireland, gave me a plague for Christmas with this old Briton fisherman’s prayer:  “O God, Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small.”  I never truly understood these poignant words until now.  They seem to adequately describe where our family unit lives right now.

I have never felt so dependent on God to just make it through the day.  His grace, His breathe are my breathe and strength and life.  I know that there is a future.  I can see into the eternal realm with a clarity I have never had before.  I believe there is a present as well.

Life is a strange mixture of grief and sadness and hope and peace.  God’s promise to Abram was that He would bless him.  The condition was that he leave familiar, family, friends and comforts of home, for the nomadic life of dependence and adventure.  This is not new for our family.  We have been that diminutive boat, sailing into the adventurous horizon before where both calm seas and storms await.

Here we are again…       

It all reminds me of another story of a band of fisherman, tossed to and fro on the Sea of Galilee.  They were a hopeless band of disciples, struggling to see that they had any future or hope of survival.  Thriving was not even an option.

BUT GOD.

Jesus stepped into their storm and brought them through to the other side.  In whatever storm you may be facing, there is a Presence that has promised to never leave nor forsake.  He has promised that His actions towards us would be consistent with His character and nature of love.  That He is trustworthy.

Perhaps your sea is call and our journey straightforward.  Listen.  Take advantage of that place you are in to drawn near to hear the Father’s heart and voice.  His Presence instills a strength, intimacy, and trust for the storms that will come later.

Let me finish with this thought...

Psalms 106 is one a collection of Psalms that speaks about Israel's journey out of Egypt, through the wilderness and into the Promised Land. These chapters speak about Israel's continued response to God and their hardness of heart when it came to trusting in Him.

Psalm 106:13-14, speaks of the forty years in the wilderness and how they continual forgot God's faithfulness and miraclous provision, complaining and rebelling against God's Words when times became tough:

"They soon forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, but lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tested God in the desert."

When the desert consumed the nation and they went days without water, what was their response suppose to be to such great suffering? Surely God did not expect them to just keep going? These verses give us the answer.

They were to WAIT on God.

And that is what we are going to do. God is not afraid of our deep questions, struggles, and tears. There are seasons when we live by faith and with unanswered questions, either because we are not ready for the answer or the answer at the moment would distract and hinder what God is trying to do in the moment. The Bible tells us that the secrets of the Lord are with those who fear Him (Psalms 25:14-15), and those who seek Him will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). I believe God wants to answer us. But for those answers to come, we have to pursue Him and wait on Him.

This is what I am about to do. What our family is about to do. We are positioning ourselves for a season to wait. To get in His face. To be intentional.

Our family unit has been in the States nearly a week now. We are climatizing to the time difference, doing jobs that need to get done to embark on pilgrimage. Yes...there is work to be done. We have things to do. But in the midst of things, these next six months are mostly about the SEEKING! Bible College. Secondary School (High School). Writing. Developing Social Media ministry. Relationship building. Processing next ministry steps. But in the midst...SEEKING!

In just a week, we leave for the mountains of Colorado! It will take us a week to get there. This is our pilgrimage, and we expect Him to meet us on the mountain!

On a humorous side note...having not been in America for a many years, my driver's license has expired beyond a simple renewal. So here I am, once again after all theses years, doing a written driver's test and preparing for tomorrow's driver's test!