Your Sea is so BIG and My Boat is so Small

“O you afflicted one, Tossed with tempest, and not comforted, Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, And lay your foundations with sapphire.”

-Isaiah 54:11-

Rachel and I would often discuss relationships and future relationships with our kids.  We never expected, when it would come to dating and marriage, that their story would necessarily mirror ours, but there were principles that stood out to us important for their lives as well.

To have a surrendered to God.  Be patient.  Get input and accountability.  And REMEMBER, that special someone will never fulfill or complete you.  Come to a relationship as a WHOLE person as opposed to a needy individual looking for someone to make you happy.  Marriage is two whole people coming together and God making them one, not to half people coming together to make a whole.

That is a real truth.  Rachel and I learned to surrender our desires for marriage.  That was not always easy, and sometimes felt lonely and excluded, especially when friends were in relationships and getting married.  But we just kept bringing our hearts to God.

Both of us, even before meeting, asked God that we could marry our best friend, and that is what God did!

We met while traveling on a Youth With A Mission ministry team across the United States and taking teens on mission into Mexico.  We became very close, sharing deep secrets of our hearts, without any idea that there was anything more for us than just friendship.  AND SUDDENLY, just before Christmas in Chicago on outreach in 1998, God opened our eyes to “the something more” He had for us!  With that, we fell deeply in love, and that deep love, affection, and most of all, friendship, carried us through our wonderful twenty-four years of marriage!

We returned to Rachel’s home land of Ireland, were married, and launched our ministry there.  There we planted two churches, as well as serving in other ministry roles.  Together we homeschooled our kids.  We built our home with our own two hands.  There were plenty of hardships and challenges along the way, and we had our share of disagreements. As Rachel would often say after an argument, “Just an opportunity to make up!”

When Rachel passed away on 28th of October, everything changed.  The mystery of oneness in marriage in God, meant that in a moment, I now felt half a person.  The children have felt it.  We came together as two whole persons over two decades ago to become one, and now…like an amputated limp.

Life swirls in a sea of confusion at moments.  A small boat lost in the vast ocean.  Years ago, my assistant when I was church planting in Portlaoise, Ireland, gave me a plague for Christmas with this old Briton fisherman’s prayer:  “O God, Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small.”  I never truly understood these poignant words until now.  They seem to adequately describe where our family unit lives right now.

I have never felt so dependent on God to just make it through the day.  His grace, His breathe are my breathe and strength and life.  I know that there is a future.  I can see into the eternal realm with a clarity I have never had before.  I believe there is a present as well.

Life is a strange mixture of grief and sadness and hope and peace.  God’s promise to Abram was that He would bless him.  The condition was that he leave familiar, family, friends and comforts of home, for the nomadic life of dependence and adventure.  This is not new for our family.  We have been that diminutive boat, sailing into the adventurous horizon before where both calm seas and storms await.

Here we are again…       

It all reminds me of another story of a band of fisherman, tossed to and fro on the Sea of Galilee.  They were a hopeless band of disciples, struggling to see that they had any future or hope of survival.  Thriving was not even an option.

BUT GOD.

Jesus stepped into their storm and brought them through to the other side.  In whatever storm you may be facing, there is a Presence that has promised to never leave nor forsake.  He has promised that His actions towards us would be consistent with His character and nature of love.  That He is trustworthy.

Perhaps your sea is call and our journey straightforward.  Listen.  Take advantage of that place you are in to drawn near to hear the Father’s heart and voice.  His Presence instills a strength, intimacy, and trust for the storms that will come later.

Let me finish with this thought...

Psalms 106 is one a collection of Psalms that speaks about Israel's journey out of Egypt, through the wilderness and into the Promised Land. These chapters speak about Israel's continued response to God and their hardness of heart when it came to trusting in Him.

Psalm 106:13-14, speaks of the forty years in the wilderness and how they continual forgot God's faithfulness and miraclous provision, complaining and rebelling against God's Words when times became tough:

"They soon forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, but lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tested God in the desert."

When the desert consumed the nation and they went days without water, what was their response suppose to be to such great suffering? Surely God did not expect them to just keep going? These verses give us the answer.

They were to WAIT on God.

And that is what we are going to do. God is not afraid of our deep questions, struggles, and tears. There are seasons when we live by faith and with unanswered questions, either because we are not ready for the answer or the answer at the moment would distract and hinder what God is trying to do in the moment. The Bible tells us that the secrets of the Lord are with those who fear Him (Psalms 25:14-15), and those who seek Him will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). I believe God wants to answer us. But for those answers to come, we have to pursue Him and wait on Him.

This is what I am about to do. What our family is about to do. We are positioning ourselves for a season to wait. To get in His face. To be intentional.

Our family unit has been in the States nearly a week now. We are climatizing to the time difference, doing jobs that need to get done to embark on pilgrimage. Yes...there is work to be done. We have things to do. But in the midst of things, these next six months are mostly about the SEEKING! Bible College. Secondary School (High School). Writing. Developing Social Media ministry. Relationship building. Processing next ministry steps. But in the midst...SEEKING!

In just a week, we leave for the mountains of Colorado! It will take us a week to get there. This is our pilgrimage, and we expect Him to meet us on the mountain!

On a humorous side note...having not been in America for a many years, my driver's license has expired beyond a simple renewal. So here I am, once again after all theses years, doing a written driver's test and preparing for tomorrow's driver's test!