Your Sea is so BIG and My Boat is so Small

“O you afflicted one, Tossed with tempest, and not comforted, Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, And lay your foundations with sapphire.”

-Isaiah 54:11-

Rachel and I would often discuss relationships and future relationships with our kids.  We never expected, when it would come to dating and marriage, that their story would necessarily mirror ours, but there were principles that stood out to us important for their lives as well.

To have a surrendered to God.  Be patient.  Get input and accountability.  And REMEMBER, that special someone will never fulfill or complete you.  Come to a relationship as a WHOLE person as opposed to a needy individual looking for someone to make you happy.  Marriage is two whole people coming together and God making them one, not to half people coming together to make a whole.

That is a real truth.  Rachel and I learned to surrender our desires for marriage.  That was not always easy, and sometimes felt lonely and excluded, especially when friends were in relationships and getting married.  But we just kept bringing our hearts to God.

Both of us, even before meeting, asked God that we could marry our best friend, and that is what God did!

We met while traveling on a Youth With A Mission ministry team across the United States and taking teens on mission into Mexico.  We became very close, sharing deep secrets of our hearts, without any idea that there was anything more for us than just friendship.  AND SUDDENLY, just before Christmas in Chicago on outreach in 1998, God opened our eyes to “the something more” He had for us!  With that, we fell deeply in love, and that deep love, affection, and most of all, friendship, carried us through our wonderful twenty-four years of marriage!

We returned to Rachel’s home land of Ireland, were married, and launched our ministry there.  There we planted two churches, as well as serving in other ministry roles.  Together we homeschooled our kids.  We built our home with our own two hands.  There were plenty of hardships and challenges along the way, and we had our share of disagreements. As Rachel would often say after an argument, “Just an opportunity to make up!”

When Rachel passed away on 28th of October, everything changed.  The mystery of oneness in marriage in God, meant that in a moment, I now felt half a person.  The children have felt it.  We came together as two whole persons over two decades ago to become one, and now…like an amputated limp.

Life swirls in a sea of confusion at moments.  A small boat lost in the vast ocean.  Years ago, my assistant when I was church planting in Portlaoise, Ireland, gave me a plague for Christmas with this old Briton fisherman’s prayer:  “O God, Thy sea is so great and my boat is so small.”  I never truly understood these poignant words until now.  They seem to adequately describe where our family unit lives right now.

I have never felt so dependent on God to just make it through the day.  His grace, His breathe are my breathe and strength and life.  I know that there is a future.  I can see into the eternal realm with a clarity I have never had before.  I believe there is a present as well.

Life is a strange mixture of grief and sadness and hope and peace.  God’s promise to Abram was that He would bless him.  The condition was that he leave familiar, family, friends and comforts of home, for the nomadic life of dependence and adventure.  This is not new for our family.  We have been that diminutive boat, sailing into the adventurous horizon before where both calm seas and storms await.

Here we are again…       

It all reminds me of another story of a band of fisherman, tossed to and fro on the Sea of Galilee.  They were a hopeless band of disciples, struggling to see that they had any future or hope of survival.  Thriving was not even an option.

BUT GOD.

Jesus stepped into their storm and brought them through to the other side.  In whatever storm you may be facing, there is a Presence that has promised to never leave nor forsake.  He has promised that His actions towards us would be consistent with His character and nature of love.  That He is trustworthy.

Perhaps your sea is call and our journey straightforward.  Listen.  Take advantage of that place you are in to drawn near to hear the Father’s heart and voice.  His Presence instills a strength, intimacy, and trust for the storms that will come later.

Let me finish with this thought...

Psalms 106 is one a collection of Psalms that speaks about Israel's journey out of Egypt, through the wilderness and into the Promised Land. These chapters speak about Israel's continued response to God and their hardness of heart when it came to trusting in Him.

Psalm 106:13-14, speaks of the forty years in the wilderness and how they continual forgot God's faithfulness and miraclous provision, complaining and rebelling against God's Words when times became tough:

"They soon forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, but lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tested God in the desert."

When the desert consumed the nation and they went days without water, what was their response suppose to be to such great suffering? Surely God did not expect them to just keep going? These verses give us the answer.

They were to WAIT on God.

And that is what we are going to do. God is not afraid of our deep questions, struggles, and tears. There are seasons when we live by faith and with unanswered questions, either because we are not ready for the answer or the answer at the moment would distract and hinder what God is trying to do in the moment. The Bible tells us that the secrets of the Lord are with those who fear Him (Psalms 25:14-15), and those who seek Him will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). I believe God wants to answer us. But for those answers to come, we have to pursue Him and wait on Him.

This is what I am about to do. What our family is about to do. We are positioning ourselves for a season to wait. To get in His face. To be intentional.

Our family unit has been in the States nearly a week now. We are climatizing to the time difference, doing jobs that need to get done to embark on pilgrimage. Yes...there is work to be done. We have things to do. But in the midst of things, these next six months are mostly about the SEEKING! Bible College. Secondary School (High School). Writing. Developing Social Media ministry. Relationship building. Processing next ministry steps. But in the midst...SEEKING!

In just a week, we leave for the mountains of Colorado! It will take us a week to get there. This is our pilgrimage, and we expect Him to meet us on the mountain!

On a humorous side note...having not been in America for a many years, my driver's license has expired beyond a simple renewal. So here I am, once again after all theses years, doing a written driver's test and preparing for tomorrow's driver's test!

Again I Will Rebuild You

”Long ago the Lord said to Israel: ‘I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to Myself. I will rebuild you, My virgin Israel. You will again be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines.‘“ -Jeremiah 31:3-4

On the 28th of October, our family changed forever with the passing of Rachel. Our middle son, Benjamin, summed it up best when he said that he didn’t just lose his mom, but his best friend. We know that Rachel is still very much alive, even more so than us right now as she is living in the fullness of the eternal reality, but no longer here with us, and that leaves an enormous gap in our lives.

We ministered, traveled, homeschooled, and did most of our hobbies, interests, and dreams together. Two weeks before Rachel passed, I saw her making a list of supplies needed for a winter trip to America. I know she totally expected that she would recover and be going! That is the kind of faith she lived and the relationship she walked with Jesus. Rachel is now enjoying the rewards of that relationship face-to-face. While she did not want to leave her family and desired to finish her mission here, we know she is walking in the fullness of love and who she is right now.

Through the journey ahead for us of grieving and adjustment, evaluating and planning, one thing that spurs us on is to finish the dreams and visions that Rachel carried in her heart that were left undone.

A few weeks after Rachel passed into eternity with Jesus her first love, our pastor said he felt strongly about the verses from Jeremiah I wrote above. As a good friend shared, it is the depths of the relationship that will determine the depths of the grieving process. We have no idea how this process will look. Neither do we have intentions of timelines. We just will take it a day at a time with the Holy Spirit.

We have not published a newsletter in over a year. Life has been on hold, particularly these past fourteen months. So what I have decided to do is to start Blogging our journey. I will share things from the past, some of the journey we walked together as a family, through some of our processing and grief, and how in the midst of it all, the ways God starts to rebuild our lives and how we see God working through our lives to finish the mission of what God put on our hearts.

Hebrews 12:1-2, tells us that since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us run our race with perseverance. I have meditated on these verses a bit over the past weeks. I can sense in my heart, Rachel is very much still part of this journey we are on. She is cheering us on! There is no longer a connection in the natural, but I believe there is still a connection in the spiritual and an awareness in heaven of what is being done down here in the realms of the eternal. Rachel is cheering me and the kids on, and all those other seeds she planted. Over the years, she wept many tears of prayer and intercession for her family, Ireland, and the nations. She had an incredible heart for the weak, disadvantaged, and abused.

Here is a bit of what our steps into the unknown look like.

#1 - Going to the States

In 2013, we took our first sabbatical. It was such a profound time in our lives, and it feels that we need something like that again. This will look a bit different than just a normal sabbatical. It will involve rest and reevaluation, but also seeking out personal ministry and understanding as to how things fit for future ministry. It will be a time to be together as a family (Caleb and his new wife Diana live in Colorado Springs) and we will be primarily based in Colorado.

#2 - Benjamin Starting Charis Bible College

Benjamin is going to start Charis Bible College in January. He will do a semester on-site at the Woodland Park, Colorado campus, finishing the rest of the year over the summer online. This was a dream that Rachel had had for years for her children. That they would all lay a good foundation for their lives in some type of Ministry School that focuses on identity in Christ and intimacy with Him. Caleb graduated from Charis this past summer, and now Benjamin begins his journey!

#3 - Getting Ministry and Healing

Part of this trip is to position our family to be in a place where we can receive from God. Brianna and myself, we will be able to attend certain meetings and functions at Charis while she is homeschooling. We (the family) are considering other places we may want to visit and possible conferences to attend to soak in His presence, listen, and receive during this time. I have also been accepted to start a scholarship-based online version of Charis that is available to Ministers. I will start that in January.

#4 - Seeking God as to Next Steps

What does life and ministry look like now? The vision for the ministry has not changed. If anything, it has developed and matured over the past five or so years. Now, with Rachel having passed away, what those steps look like are a bit foggy. This is a new journey, and we just need time to process and learn what it looks like to live again. For those who may be wondering, at this stage, we have no intentions of leaving Ireland in the long term. We just need to see what steps God would have us take.

#5 - Reconnecting with the World through Internet

During Covid, Rachel and I started a Youtube channel called Kingdom Living Without Limits. God started to open doors for us to minister around the globe through the confines of our home. Much of that had been put on hold. During the next months, I will begin a process (as well as with the kids), of exploring and developing Social Media as part of our next steps forward of ministry. I also have a desire to get back into writing, which may include rewriting and updating some of my old stuff. There will be more of that to come!

In the meantime...

There are several particular ways you can keep connected.

First, sign up to and follow this Blog. We will be posting fairly regularly. So sign up!

Second, follow our Instagram ………https://www.instagram.com/living_with_colour/

If you wish to contribute to Grassroots International Ministries, you can be part of this journey......https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=GDG2DN82WW3B4

We love and appreciate so many of you who have reached out to us, prayed for us, and cared for us! Word cannot express our gratitude, and there are just too many right now for us to personally thank!